


the beginning

by dizzyingly_dreamy



Series: pain throws your heart to the ground (love turns the whole thing around) [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Beginning of Divorce, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Life Lessons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:42:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27752506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzyingly_dreamy/pseuds/dizzyingly_dreamy
Summary: I can't do it anymore, she'd said. You're too much, Tony, too much, and I can't do it.He supposed that dying for someone could have that effect. Too much, too intense. It was some of the worst pain he'd ever been in, pretending that they were still them while she cringed away from him in the night. He didn't know if he had the strength to cut her loose. He'd been with her for so long, long enough that he had fooled himself into thinking it would always be so rose-coloured.
Relationships: Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Series: pain throws your heart to the ground (love turns the whole thing around) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2033392
Kudos: 19





	the beginning

**Author's Note:**

> some angsty stuff that just sort of poured out while listening to John Mayer's 'The Heart of Life'. I'm posting it because I feel like some people might wanna read it..? Also I'm trying to let myself show more of my writing, whether or not I think it's any good. 
> 
> short but bittersweet. My take on what could have happened after Endgame, but instead of dying, Tony survived. (No Morgan either)
> 
> (edit: i did a repost because i changed the title and added it to a series. the second part of the series is now up, so enjoy! this is something of a prologue or a prequel, so i hope you guys like)

She was curled up on her side oppposite him, her arms wound tightly around her chest, her knees pulled up to her stomach. He looked at her mournfully, running his fingers through his hair. He wanted to do more. She needed him to. But what was he to do? He had tried everything that seemed to be at least the start of a fix-it, and yet, she hadn't changed. 

He stood, the mattress rising with the absence of his weight. She didn't move, though he watched her breathing change slightly to be more relaxed. Was that where they were now? When he left, she was relieved and more relaxed than when he was around? Had they really hit rock bottom that hard? He looked away, knowing that staring at her wouldn't do him any good. It was only going to make him feel heavier and denser, things he wasn't sure he could handle right now. 

He stumbled a little as he tugged on some blue Levi's, buttoning it up and sparing her another glance. She hadn't moved, not while he was watching, but her long ginger hair had been adjusted so that it fell over the back of her head, rather than her face. The silk slip she was wearing shimmered slightly in the moonlight, and if it had been two months ago, he would have climbed over and kissed her slowly. She would have turned over and smiled and they would have made love, because they still loved each other then. 

He didn't know if that was the same anymore. Nothing was the same. She couldn't look into his eyes for more than a few seconds at a time, and her bottom lip trembled every time she breached that limit. It was killing him to watch. He couldn't do anything. She needed him to do something, to be more, or less, but she wouldn't say, so he couldn't change. 

He pulled on a shirt that was mostly clean, and left their bedroom quietly. When the door clicked shut softly, he heard her choke and start to cry, so he closed his eyes and stood very still. It was a while before he could make himself walk away, down to the garage where all his tools were. It was a while of listening to her cry helplessly and hopelessly in ways that made him question why he'd ever come back in the first place. If he couldn't...not even for her, then what was he doing?

The garage was cold. He had left one of the windows open, and padded over in his barefeet to close it. It slammed shut, shaking the glass, and he thought that if she saw that he'd broken the window, he wasn't sure if she would cry or do nothing. 

That thought seemed to be the final straw, and he slid down to the cold, cement ground, and curled up against the wall, shaking with the effort of keeping his tears silent. He had lost her. Or maybe she had lost him. One of them had let the rope slip, just a little, and then it was shooting out of their grasp, the fragile walls of their marriage crashing to the ground whilst the other tried to hold on, tried to support it themselves. 

Love is a partnership. A two-way street. Well. It had worked perfectly for them, hadn't it? He had died, killed himself, just to ensure that she would live on, that she would have a life that he couldn't give her. So that the kid he considered a son would live. So that his team would live on. So that the world would live on. He had laid down his life for her, and everyone. He had defied everyone who had said that Tony Stark was cruel, and heartless, and used people. 

He'd proved everyone wrong. It hadn't been the goal, never never never. But she had thrown that result in his face like it was poison. She'd screamed at him until she couldn't. Cried when screaming didn't work anymore. Broke his damn heart in the process, which maybe, she was trying to do. He was the hero, he was the one who was supposed to pick up the pieces, not her. 

She wanted him to take the step, not her. It was incredibly cruel of her, because he loved her more than anything. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want to pack up and move back into the Compound. He didn't want everyone to know that they had fallen through. He wanted her, he loved her. But she didn't love him. She didn't want him. Not anymore. She had seen him, all of him, and she had accepted it, but then she hadn't. 

I can't do it anymore, she'd said. You're too much, Tony, too much, and I can't do it. 

He supposed that dying for someone could have that effect. Too much, too intense. It was some of the worst pain he'd ever been in, pretending that they were still them while she cringed away from him in the night. He didn't know if he had the strength to cut her loose. He'd been with her for so long, long enough that he had fooled himself into thinking it would always be so rose-coloured. 

Was he anyone without her? 

In the end, he knew what he had to do, and it was a matter of soldiering on, as Steve put it. Looking past the fear and the anguish, recognising that it wasn't just him anymore. It was her, too. He just had to get through it, get past, come through on the other side. That was all. He just had to make it to the other side, and then maybe it would be okay. 

His stuff was in the back of his car within an hour. He'd expected it to take longer, the packing, the gathering of all his things. He stuffed everything into bags and boxes, and then stuffed that into his car, like it was Tetris. The only time he saw her was when he emptied out the closet and his nightstand. She had stopped crying, which he wasn't sure if it made him feel better or worse. 

All of his stuff shouldn've have fit into his car. The idea had been ridiculous, but he'd been too busy droning out his mind to really pay attention and then, hey, there it all was, shoved and stacked into his car. He had put on socks and shoes before packing up everything else, and when he finished, he'd stood in the doorway to their bedroom, silent, watching her breathe. It was probably the last time he would ever see her like this again. He savoured it. 

Then he left. She would find his wedding ring in the bathroom. 

~

**Author's Note:**

> might add an epilogue. this feels like the prequel to something, so I think I'll post the story that follows after, soon. 
> 
> lemme know what you thought :)


End file.
